Krishnamurti: The Reluctant Messiah by Sidney Field

Author:Sidney Field
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi, pdf
Publisher: Paragon House
Published: 2014-10-09T16:00:00+00:00

7

Krishnaji returned to Europe and India. My responsibilities at home as unwilling head of the family had increased when my brother, John, went off to rediscover his roots in Costa Rica. I kept thinking about the “miracle at Eerde,” wondering dejectedly, as I had before, whether it would become just a memory for the rest of my life. But Krishnaji’s indirect exhortation at Arya Vihara to “go ahead, do it!” jabbed at me.

The Hollywood hills, just a few blocks north of my home, were still undeveloped. There were only dirt roads leading to them, and narrow, untrodden paths in the hills themselves, leading nowhere. The hills were unspoiled and untrammeled, full of singing birds and small wildlife. I would walk up there and sit silently by the hour, not trying to entice the sought-after experience, for I knew this method didn’t work, but simply trying to quiet my restless mind and emotions and learn to be at peace with myself. My senses became more acute. I heard bird melodies I had never been aware of and saw curious little creatures staring at me that I had never before noticed. Many days passed, but the Presence I sought remained a distant stranger.

One afternoon I caught sight of a hawk way up high, stalking some earthbound creature. Its flight was a thing of sheer beauty. I recalled how, as a boy on our coffee plantation in Costa Rica, I used to lie on my back for the longest time watching these superb fliers overhead circle leisurely, then suddenly sweep down to catch their unsuspecting prey. I thought, anyone who could ever fly like that would need nothing else in life. I was absorbed in watching this perfect flier when all at once the wondrous joy seized my heart. It had returned! I was ecstatic. I let it carry me higher and higher, in rhythmic waves of joy. But the “altitude” and intensity of it held me back somewhat. I knew I was dealing with a tremendous force entirely new in my life, and although I realized I must eventually let go completely, something kept me from surrendering completely to it. At Eerde, even though I never spoke to Krishnaji about it, for reasons I have already stated, there was always the comforting thought that I could go to him if I felt incapable of handling the situation myself. Here I was all alone in the untrammeled brush of the Hollywood hills, among wild rabbits, gophers and raccoons. What if I momentarily passed out? Sometimes I felt that could really happen, the experience was so potent. My feeling was that I should proceed cautiously, stay “in control” (a terrible concept instilled in me from childhood) before allowing myself to be inexorably swept to unknown depths. But I promised myself to go a little further and deeper every day. Nothing else mattered.

From that day on I arranged my workaday life so that I would be free by three or four in the afternoon to

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